hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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