I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize