Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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