Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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