i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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