I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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