Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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