the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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