I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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