I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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