i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize