Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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