just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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