Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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