I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize