The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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