i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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