and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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