why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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