Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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