Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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