I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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