Jerry, you need to find god
where am i from again
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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