my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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