Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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