yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize