Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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