Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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