We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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