I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize