They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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