My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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