Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize