So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
