remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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