bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize