for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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