there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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