3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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