I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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