You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize