i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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