I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize