I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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