I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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