Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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