On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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