drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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