She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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