Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize